I love you THAT much, but...

I can't really recalled how do me each other, i believe you don't, too. That probably the sweetest moment that i had in my whole life so far, but i do remember what have you told me on the day.

I grew, you do, faster than me, you're just like a brighting star, shining everyone around you, giving your love with no request, unconditionally, even though it sometimes make me feel you're kinda bad, arrogant, ciaë, but after all, you hit on my very darkside, light glowing warmly in my heart, made me forgave you automatically, yes, no request, uncondition.

We've been so close, i can read every thought of you, your sadness, your happiness, your anger, everything, but i didn't told you so. there's no word to describe the situation where i hope you will holding my hand someday and smile in front of me, with just an inch, starring at me, reficeting my very own soul in your eyes, that, can never be valid anymore.

You're not strong, in fact, you're weak, VERY, which make me glad, it shorten the distance between us, i can not truly fall myself into a person who think he/she is great, perfect, noez. But you. You, the very man, touching my heart, holding it and squeezing it without my permission, trigger every cell in my body to sense what you sensed, to feel what you felt, to see what you saw. Since i dont know when, every movement of yours affected me, i laugh when you laughed, i cry so hard when you're sad.

That is selfish, and crazy, but i have no idea to ignore myself for loving you, be controled by you, everytime, yet, every second, all my life.

And when i had a chance to saw you, to touch you, to say i love you in front of you, you gone.

You just gone, totally your style, no request, unconditionlly. That time, i found you're the biggest bastard i've met, a bastard who stole my heart and the same old bastard who broken my heart, piece into piece, leave nothing but an endless memories which not able to cover off by time, by age, by space.

Then, i realized, i suddenly hate you, on the actual time that you leave. How could you leave like that, i love you THAT much more than myself, my brother and my son. No goodbye, no wave, no kiss , nothing.

Darkness swallowed my broken soul, and i swallowed every memories of you. The anger burn quiet yet flamefully in the deepest corner that one can never touch, i wish it longer, on and on to the day i met you on the other side of the place we're living now, only then, i can forgive you, because you will be in front of you, flesh-ly, real, smiling and starring at me again, eternally.

Please, let me hate you. One says that only a great love can exchange with a great hate, i love you too much, filled full, i get fed up now, and yet, only this level of hate can keep remind myself how fool am i throw EVERYTHING onto you to show how much i love you with the end result you can not feel any from me.

I can never love someone like the way i loved you, and i can never miss someone the same way, too.

How can i meet you,
After these fears,
and how can i greet you,
With silence and tears.

My love and my only Michael Jackson.